Myth-Busting: "I Can Assume How a Client Will React to a Life Event"

One of the most common – and dangerous – assumptions I come across in the profession is this: "I can assume how a client will react to a life event."

It’s not usually explicitly stated, but it’s there, implicit, in the way conversations shift when someone hears of a traumatic life or health event, for example, a client has been recently bereaved, divorced or diagnosed with a health condition. Held fast to the belief that we’re ‘acting with appropriate levels of care’ (FCA, 2021), the boxes get ticked, the support paths become preset, and often – unintentionally – control begins to shift away from the client.

Here’s the thing: life events don’t affect everyone the same way. I’ve seen people far better out of a job, or relationship than in it. I’ve seen emotional, psychological and cognitive loads be lifted by the ending of a situation. I have also seen smaller, quieter, more ‘minor’ life events rip holes in the foundation of an individual. Grief, illness, retirement, divorce – these are not one-size-fits-all predictors of vulnerability. Yet, time and time again, I see assumptions being made.

Case Study: Mrs. Brook

Mrs. Brook is 78. She recently lost her husband after a long illness. Her son, understandably concerned, mentions that she’s been forgetful and seems less confident than usual. He worries that she may be struggling to manage her finances on her own and suggests someone may need to step in.

On paper, it would be easy at this point to start drawing conclusions and assume that grief has made her vulnerable – perhaps her forgetfulness is a sign she can no longer cope, or even that she’s lost capacity. But when we take the time to speak with Mrs Brook herself, a more layered story unfolds. She talks openly and honestly about her husband’s illness. There are moments she’s understandably emotional but also reflective in this time of adjustment. Her husband had been ill for a long time, and much of her emotional processing happened before his death. While she’s adjusting to what this next stage of her life will look like, she describes a sense of peace now that he’s no longer suffering. There’s even some quiet relief in being able to look ahead, gently mixed in with the sorrow.

Importantly, her ability to understand and engage with financial decisions remains intact. She demonstrates clear thinking, can recall key information and nothing in the conversation raises concerns about her mental capacity. When we screen using Comentis and take the time to engage using softer skills, we find that Mrs Brook isn’t overwhelmed or unable to manage. She simply needs space to process, some reassurance, and perhaps a bit of support in navigating through her next steps.

Mrs Brook’s story is a clear example of why we must challenge our assumptions. Just because a client is grieving, older, or showing signs of forgetfulness doesn’t necessarily mean they’re vulnerable, either at all or in the way we think they are – or that they’ve lost the ability to make their own decisions. As the FCA reminds us, vulnerability can be transient, with the same individual experiencing similar events differently over their life course, and different individuals responding very differently to the same life event. That’s why good practice isn’t about jumping to conclusions based on surface details or falling back on set patterns of support. It’s about taking time to understand the real impact using both structured tools and skilled, compassionate conversation.

And when we work with a strengths-based approach, we’re more likely to see the whole person – not just what they’ve been through, but what they’re still capable of. We don’t just look for what’s going wrong, we also look for what’s going right. Mrs. Brook may be grieving, but she is also resourceful, financially savvy, and able to make her own decisions. That’s resilience. That’s capability.

You cannot assume how a client will react to a life event – no matter how familiar the scenario may feel. What you can do is slow down. Don’t jump. Ask. Listen. Screen. Explore. Support. Because ultimately, acting with care starts by not making assumptions.